Okay—I’m not actually being stalked—but I missed one (1) class and suddenly T-Bone is on my case about attendance. Dude. You are a dog. I understand the point the university is trying to make, but to have the school mascot, whose contact photo sent BY THE SCHOOL is a giant Irish Setter costume, is a little creepy.

I am also, well, pre-suffering (for lack of a better, more descriptive word that might irk some of you). My ear: hurting. My patience: crumbling. Today has been a whirlwind and I predict it’s not about to stop here. Maybe I should consider moving to Pluto?