The Sirius Sentinel

The Best and Worst Names Only Used Five Times in 2024

Five-use boys’ names are where myth, metal, and Microsoft Excel collide. Some are jaw-dropping good. Some are just… jaw-dropping.

Best in Show (wearable, interesting, “why isn’t this more popular?”)

Old-world glow

• Aurelien — LOVE. Golden, lyrical, très chic.

• Marsden — Handsome, calm, cinematic.

• Valdemar / Ulric / Alric / Cadell — Medieval but smooth.

• Rhodri / Carwyn / Piers / Finbarr — Celtic royalty without the baggage.

• Mateusz / Matvei / Taddeo / Amedeo / Cesario — Continental charmers.

• Gratian / Valens / Lazare / Odilon — Antiquity with gravitas.

Literary & artsy

• Eames — Designer-cool, but namey.

• Coltrane — Jazz-forward, strong.

• Poe — Gothic mini that still grins.

• Guthrie — Folksy, bright.

• Quillen — Amazing!!! Bookish and buoyant.

• Romain / Romare — Gallery wall energy.

Nature & color

• Cerulean — Bold but beautiful blue.

• Thorn — Edgy nature that still reads name.

• Lark — OMG! Works surprisingly well on a boy.

Global & sleek

• Aneesh / Adeyemi / Avel / Nando / Zafar / Yitzhak — Rich heritage picks.

• Liron / Sivan — Hebrew musical/modern.

• Kanata / Issei / Hoku / Yu — Clean, international.

• Aurelien / Avel / Aviano — Aviano: nice one.

Nicknames that carry

• Teddie / Thad / Morrie / Ollen — Soft-landing vintage minis.

Wildcard I’m rooting for

• Aurelien, Marsden, Quillen, Eames, Coltrane, Poe, Cadell, Valens — my “will age beautifully” short list.

The Worst of the Worst (reader, I winced)

• Json — Are you naming a baby or a JavaScript file?

• Air / Earth / Infinity / Prime / Pressure — Names aren’t weather alerts or shipping tiers.

• Greatness / Success / Wealth / Purpose / Genuine / Goodness — Aspirational nouns ≠ birth certificates.

• Capone — Really?

• Morpheus / Methuselah / Dionysus / Asmodeus — Boss-fight names for a preschooler.

• Camaro / Jaguar / Dubai / Waco / Germany / Region — The geo/brand bucket is overflowing.

• Pope — The title is… a lot.

• Hollister — Abercrombie, Fitch, and Hollister: the triplets. NO.

• Ahnest — Ahnestly? No.

• Kourage / Mayjor / Knoxsyn / Kingstynn — Spelling it unique doesn’t make it better.

• Ryiot — Please no.

• Hershey — Bold. Chocolatey. (But… no.)

• Pate — Please do not name your child duck liver; I cannot believe I have to say this.

• Notorious / Dynasty / Warrior / Stunner / Furious — Imagine the teacher conference.

• Tarzan / Samurai / Shooter / Ruckus / Thrasher — He’s a kid, not a Hot Topic clearance rack.

Planet check: Venus is the only acceptable planet name. Maybe Mars if you’re cool. Pluto feels cartoon dog or dwarf-planet discourse.

Pop Culture, But Proceed With Caution

• Almanzo — Hey! Little House deep cut.

• Hopper — Could work (Stranger Things).

• Sufjan — Lovely artist namesake; rare but legit.

• Atreides / Atrayus — Dune-pilled. Prepare for constant “wait, what?”

• Aerys / Aeries — Thrones-adjacent turbulence.

• Emjay — Actor Emjay Anthony wears it fine; still reads nicknamey.

• Kenshin — Oh please no (leave anime swordsman to fiction).

Surnames & Titles (some win, some LinkedIn)

Nice! Gresham, Forrester, Levitt, Spence, Ridgley, Rhoades (sans the 'a'), Willoughby
Maybe: Claiborne, Calvert, Royden, Waldon, Maclean, Tyndale
Try-hard: Caxton, Casteel, Creede, Kreighton, Knightly
Corporate / capital-E energy: Forbes, Prime, Pope, Royalton

Nature/Objects & the Word-Name pile

• Cobalt (industrial-cool), Teak (woodshop dad), Bloom (sweet).

• Crow (moody cool), Sable (works as a sleek unisex).

• Excel — and his siblings Word, PowerPoint, and Outlook.

• Sonnet / Song — Poetic middles, fragile firsts.

• Ohm — Was Bodhi already taken?

Solid Traditional/Heritage You Won’t Regret

• Alvah — Thomas Edison’s middle. A Hebrew classic.

• Anastasios / Anatoliy / Kaspar / Miklos / Mateusz / Tadeusz / Severino / Severiano — sturdy, international, underused.

• Gunnar’s cousin: Gunter — Teutonic, clipped; rare but grounded.

• Rhodri / Ruari — crisp, Celtic, great on a résumé.

“Huh… I Kinda Like That?”

• Alper — kind of digging it.

• Alric — this too, cool.

• Aviano — Nice one.

• Dasai — kinda cool ngl.

• Keyes — cool actually.

• Ives — spare and elegant.

• Voss — punchy, Nordic-ish.

• Quillen — (repeating myself) excellent.

Spelling Gremlins & Soundalikes (pick a lane)

• Dextyn / Draedyn / Rydan / Levyn / Owynn / Paxtin / Paysen / Payten — you can hear the attendance office crying.

• Chaynce / Klayten / Exander / Zebastian — the base names already exist and are great.

• Kashmeir / Kashmire / Kashmyr — the region, but make it vibes.

• Jourden / Rilee / Rilen / Riles / Rilo — choose one; save the rest for pets.

Genuinely Rare-but-Real (good meanings, clear wearability)

• Aben — cool!

• Anker — sturdy, sea-born. I'd spell it Anchor, though.

• Anello — ring; lyrical Italian.

• Conri — “wolf king” (Irish); streamlined.

• Elionai — Biblical, warm.

• Ittai — a fave Hebrew name variant.

• Lior / Lyor — light.

• Ramirez (surname-first trend but recognizable), Vinton, Vinn — compact and friendly.

Absolute Chaos Corner (because five-timers gonna five-time)

• Bam — ??? Short for Alabama??? or…

• Cinco & Five — redundant duo.

• Venus (on boys) — I admire the audacity.

• Horizon / Region — cartography class roll-call.

• Royalton — sounds like a condo.

• Stunner — imagine the emails.

• Haddix — Isn’t this a book?

• Wick — John’s last name; also candles.

• Wyld — truth in advertising, I guess.

Names to Watch (my sleeper picks to enter the top 1000 someday)

Aurelien, Marsden, Quillen, Eames, Coltrane, Cadell, Valens, Piers, Romain, Lark, Ives, Aviano, Odilon.
Distinctive + pronounceable + story = staying power.

Closing Thoughts

As with the girls’ list, rarity is not a license to torment future baristas. Before you commit:

1. Can strangers spell/say it once they hear it?

2. Is the meaning/story something you’re proud to tell?

3. Will it work from preschool to passport to paycheck?

If yes—welcome to the Five Timers Club, gentlemen. 🏆

Labels: Star Registry